Post by M~mosy on Aug 27, 2020 18:22:15 GMT
Inner Child week 5
Finding out what age your inner child started to feel a certain way.
Why is the age important? It gives you a rough estimate and visual to work with. It also allows you adult to understand why the child feels like they do. It allows the adult to say “Now I understand and makes sense why I feel the way I do. By giving ourselves milestones we are better to understand and connect to that part of our lives, therefore ourselves.
Once your inner child feels the hurt and pain its difficult for them to trust again. Although they are very loving and unconditional, a wound is a wound. We carry them throughout our lives. We carry these wounds as it is usually the very first time we felt different from the day before.
As children we come into the world as innocent, fun loving and curious. We are loving, open and kind. We learn about ourselves and others by looking at our surroundings and our world. No matter how amazing your life may have been, there will always be something that caused that wound. As approximately 7 billion carry some sort of wound, this is part of life. The things that hurt us the most are also the things that we learn big lessons from. As children we look at things as good and bad. As adults we can look at things as different and not as just good and bad. Yes people do bad things and bad things occur but we shouldn’t allow that to define our experiences throughout our entire lifetimes. As a child the things we see and feel in the world around us shape our standards for the future. As adults we choose to heal ourselves and release all that no longer serves us.
All of us have wounds. They are part of life. If you are reading this you have an inner child wound you would like to connect to and heal. No matter how wonderful our parents were and no matter if you are the worlds best parent there will be something we take away from situations saw and felt as our own children will take away what they observe and will shape their reactions and experiences in their world. Many of us don’t remember our childhoods, let alone painful moments. What we do remember is the first time we felt that way in a certain situation. It’s not always easy to do this work but its important to have a rough estimate when we first felt the pain. Was it 3? 4? Even 5 or 6? Sometimes can be up to age 10. The importance of this estimate is so we have a visual of the energy to connect and work with.
Homework – By exploring the sensations you had in your childhood house and family you grew up in, you’re able to get a complete picture of what it looked like. Often we just attempt to remember memories but not looking at the layers which make up that memories. Our senses are an amazing tool that help us to remember certain memories and times in our lives we may have forgotten. For some people its too difficult to go back. Know that even if its painful and your inner child is afraid of being triggered remind your inner child that it is safe now.
Write Today I am now _______ years old.
Today I live at this address ____________.
I am in control of my life now and I am safe. No-one can hurt me. By telling yourself this you are telling your inner child they are safe and you are protecting them. Remember its your inner child and not your adult who needs to know this. Your adult already knows this. If you’re feeling unsafe your inner child needs nurturing. This is a great exercise to recognise the difference between your adult and inner child energy.
Start taking notes : Think back to when you were little. What did your house sound like? How did people talk to each other in your house? What were they saying to each other? How did they say it? Did it feel safe? What did it smell like? Do you remember what the kitchen looked like? What about your room? Were you the oldest or the youngest? An only child? Maybe you were in the middle? Did your mum work? Did you like your house? What did your room feel like to you? Maybe you felt a change when a sibling was born? Maybe you felt you were not being heard? Maybe you felt you weren’t being seen? Maybe the family home was loud? Did you have parent(S) who suffered from addiction? Maybe you remember the loss of a loved one or a loved pet? As you start to take notes and go into that space within yourself think about what age you were when you began to notice a shift in what you saw. Remember only in a detached place and only as a witness. No matter what age you were you are just only witnessing. You took those experiences and built your portrayal around what you saw.
Examples of writing this story: I was _____years old when things started to look different to me.
At ___years old I started to internalise the world as ____________.
When I was ____years old I started to feel _________ but didn’t understand it.
When I was __________everything changed because of _______.
I started to feel ________about _________and this _________me.
I can see now, how, when _________happened it set the stage for my story around __________. Now that I know _________i can accept it and let it go as I know now ___________and that makes me feel __________I also know I reacted _________because I was _______and I didn’t know what else to do. Now that my child knows they are safe and I will take care of________ they don’t have to be __________and they can go back to being_________. As the adult I will ___________.
Once you’re done with this exercise set it aside. Allow the energies to come in and witness them, as they’re only memories and not able to hurt or affect you today.
If you feel anxious or nervous know that its coming from your inner child. This is the perfect opportunity for your adult to step up and nurture your inner child. Once again reassure them and let them know that you have them now and its all okay. Tell them you will handle what hurt them. They can feel safe and they can go back to what they were doing. Reassure them this is grown up stuff and let them know you got this.
Earning your child’s trust back.
As with any child, earning trust can be very easy and very difficult at the same time. Children are born unconditionally and are little love sponges. Yet after years and years of not understanding that there was someone else there (their adult) you can understand why your inner child might be a bit hesitant to trust you and trust you will handle their need from this point forward. As children we want to know that we are being validated in this world. By being validated it shows us that we are being seen, heard, loved and respected. This acknowledgement is creating a healthy foundation for ourselves as we mature into our adult years. Without this proper validation, we often carry the internalised feelings of no self-worth with us through our lives. By doing this work now we are able to heal that part of ourselves that creates drama, waves and instability in our lives as adults.
10 things to do to earn your inner child’s trust back.
SEE THEM – Tell them no matter who didn’t see you before, you can see them now. Reassure them that even though you may not have even seen them up until this point, it's only because you didn't know better. Now that you know better, you promise to always see them.
APOLOGISE TO THEM - Apologise to them for not being there sooner. Explain, again, that you just did not know about this separation, but now that you do, you commit to always being there for them from this point forward.
REASSURE THEM. Make sure they know that they did NOT do anything wrong. It was not their job to do your work, it was your job to do your work. Be sure they understand that adults make mistakes too, but they also are quick to learn from them. Let them know that just because you didn't know better then, it was not because of them. Once again, reassure them now that you know better and will do better.
ALWAYS SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU." When working with your child, it's important to give them the same respect that you want in return. By doing this, it shows your child that you do respect them. It shows that they are important to you and that you'll be upheld to the same expectations as they are.
ALWAYS SAY “I LOVE YOU." Make sure they know you love them, always and forever. Be sure they know that even if you didn't realize that you were not showing it, you know now and will do better. As children, we learn early about cause and effect. If I just do this, then I will get that. That's not a bad lesson to learn since that is how the physical world is set up. However, when it comes to children having to earn love and affection, it ends up backfiring on us as adults. When we have a negative self-worth and lack of self-love, we try to get love, validation, and acceptance from others. That is when we suffer from "the disease to please."
MAKE SURE THEY KNOW IT WAS NOT THEIR FAULT. Because kids do not have the ability to see outside of themselves and are very egocentric, they feel that everything that happens around them is their fault or caused because of them. Go back to Step 3 and reassure them that their parent's relationship, addictions, behaviours, choices, moods, etc., were not because of them. It was because their adults were not present, and they were letting their inner child parent you.
ALLOW THEM THE FEELINGS THEY ARE HAVING. As children we are often told, directly and indirectly, to not feel the way we do for a multitude of reasons coming from our parents, peers, and other adults in our lives. This causes long-term damage as we try to have healthy relationships as adults, which we now know is really our child, in an adult body, trying to have a relationship, most likely with other inner children in adult bodies. Often this inner child is the part of us in the relationship, therefore the part that is always looking for validation.
BE DEPENDABLE. Make sure that when your inner child sends you a sign, you're there to acknowledge it. Pay attention to the triggers (go back to the Trigger lesson). Explain to your child that it takes patience as you're learning to become more in tune with them. This will make them feel even more special. The more they see that you're working at this connection, the more they'll fall in love with you and then trust you. It takes a while to become alert and aware all the time. With practice, you'll begin to get more in tune with yourself and start to immediately recognize the signs.
MAKE TIME TO PLAY WITH THEM. Don't be all work and no play. Get down on a knee, get dirty, play with your inner child. By doing this, you're showing your child that you like them, that you see them, and that you can have fun too.
BE HONEST. Take adult responsibility. Always be honest with yourself and others, this includes your inner child. If you were absent, own up to it. If you failed, show them that failure is only part of growing and now you know better. If you disappoint them, let them know that was because of you, and not them. Explain to them that sometimes even grown-ups make mistakes, but together with love, patience, honesty, and understanding you can grow together.
HOMEWORK -
Below or in your journal, make a contract with your child. Assure them that from this point forward, you will do your best to see, hear, acknowledge, and validate their feelings. Promise that from this point forward, you, as the adult, will begin to nurture, love, heal, and be their go-to person for all of their needs. If they're scared, you'll be there. If they're lonely, you'll be there. If they are sad, you'll be there. If they're happy and want to share their joy with you, you'll be there for that too.
Design it to look like a legal contract. Here is a sample. Use this one or create your own. Allow your child to decorate, create, and play with it as your adult writes the verbiage. Don't forget to explain it to your child as you go so that they understand (part of being seen) too.
Sample: I, __________________, the adult of _________________________, promise to always be there to nurture, love, listen, see, validate, and heal you. I will do my very best, from this point forward, to be more aware of you and your needs. I promise that I will show up, stand up, and take the burdens from you that you no longer need to carry. I, as your adult, will take on the adult duties from now on. You don't have to transmute feelings for me, stick up for me, do my work for me, or anything related to this. All you must do is do what you do as a ________________ year old. Play, be creative, and love. I, on this date, _____________, together with you, _______(little you)__________, promise to each stay in our own selves as we live a full and happy life together.
Finding out what age your inner child started to feel a certain way.
Why is the age important? It gives you a rough estimate and visual to work with. It also allows you adult to understand why the child feels like they do. It allows the adult to say “Now I understand and makes sense why I feel the way I do. By giving ourselves milestones we are better to understand and connect to that part of our lives, therefore ourselves.
Once your inner child feels the hurt and pain its difficult for them to trust again. Although they are very loving and unconditional, a wound is a wound. We carry them throughout our lives. We carry these wounds as it is usually the very first time we felt different from the day before.
As children we come into the world as innocent, fun loving and curious. We are loving, open and kind. We learn about ourselves and others by looking at our surroundings and our world. No matter how amazing your life may have been, there will always be something that caused that wound. As approximately 7 billion carry some sort of wound, this is part of life. The things that hurt us the most are also the things that we learn big lessons from. As children we look at things as good and bad. As adults we can look at things as different and not as just good and bad. Yes people do bad things and bad things occur but we shouldn’t allow that to define our experiences throughout our entire lifetimes. As a child the things we see and feel in the world around us shape our standards for the future. As adults we choose to heal ourselves and release all that no longer serves us.
All of us have wounds. They are part of life. If you are reading this you have an inner child wound you would like to connect to and heal. No matter how wonderful our parents were and no matter if you are the worlds best parent there will be something we take away from situations saw and felt as our own children will take away what they observe and will shape their reactions and experiences in their world. Many of us don’t remember our childhoods, let alone painful moments. What we do remember is the first time we felt that way in a certain situation. It’s not always easy to do this work but its important to have a rough estimate when we first felt the pain. Was it 3? 4? Even 5 or 6? Sometimes can be up to age 10. The importance of this estimate is so we have a visual of the energy to connect and work with.
Homework – By exploring the sensations you had in your childhood house and family you grew up in, you’re able to get a complete picture of what it looked like. Often we just attempt to remember memories but not looking at the layers which make up that memories. Our senses are an amazing tool that help us to remember certain memories and times in our lives we may have forgotten. For some people its too difficult to go back. Know that even if its painful and your inner child is afraid of being triggered remind your inner child that it is safe now.
Write Today I am now _______ years old.
Today I live at this address ____________.
I am in control of my life now and I am safe. No-one can hurt me. By telling yourself this you are telling your inner child they are safe and you are protecting them. Remember its your inner child and not your adult who needs to know this. Your adult already knows this. If you’re feeling unsafe your inner child needs nurturing. This is a great exercise to recognise the difference between your adult and inner child energy.
Start taking notes : Think back to when you were little. What did your house sound like? How did people talk to each other in your house? What were they saying to each other? How did they say it? Did it feel safe? What did it smell like? Do you remember what the kitchen looked like? What about your room? Were you the oldest or the youngest? An only child? Maybe you were in the middle? Did your mum work? Did you like your house? What did your room feel like to you? Maybe you felt a change when a sibling was born? Maybe you felt you were not being heard? Maybe you felt you weren’t being seen? Maybe the family home was loud? Did you have parent(S) who suffered from addiction? Maybe you remember the loss of a loved one or a loved pet? As you start to take notes and go into that space within yourself think about what age you were when you began to notice a shift in what you saw. Remember only in a detached place and only as a witness. No matter what age you were you are just only witnessing. You took those experiences and built your portrayal around what you saw.
Examples of writing this story: I was _____years old when things started to look different to me.
At ___years old I started to internalise the world as ____________.
When I was ____years old I started to feel _________ but didn’t understand it.
When I was __________everything changed because of _______.
I started to feel ________about _________and this _________me.
I can see now, how, when _________happened it set the stage for my story around __________. Now that I know _________i can accept it and let it go as I know now ___________and that makes me feel __________I also know I reacted _________because I was _______and I didn’t know what else to do. Now that my child knows they are safe and I will take care of________ they don’t have to be __________and they can go back to being_________. As the adult I will ___________.
Once you’re done with this exercise set it aside. Allow the energies to come in and witness them, as they’re only memories and not able to hurt or affect you today.
If you feel anxious or nervous know that its coming from your inner child. This is the perfect opportunity for your adult to step up and nurture your inner child. Once again reassure them and let them know that you have them now and its all okay. Tell them you will handle what hurt them. They can feel safe and they can go back to what they were doing. Reassure them this is grown up stuff and let them know you got this.
Earning your child’s trust back.
As with any child, earning trust can be very easy and very difficult at the same time. Children are born unconditionally and are little love sponges. Yet after years and years of not understanding that there was someone else there (their adult) you can understand why your inner child might be a bit hesitant to trust you and trust you will handle their need from this point forward. As children we want to know that we are being validated in this world. By being validated it shows us that we are being seen, heard, loved and respected. This acknowledgement is creating a healthy foundation for ourselves as we mature into our adult years. Without this proper validation, we often carry the internalised feelings of no self-worth with us through our lives. By doing this work now we are able to heal that part of ourselves that creates drama, waves and instability in our lives as adults.
10 things to do to earn your inner child’s trust back.
SEE THEM – Tell them no matter who didn’t see you before, you can see them now. Reassure them that even though you may not have even seen them up until this point, it's only because you didn't know better. Now that you know better, you promise to always see them.
APOLOGISE TO THEM - Apologise to them for not being there sooner. Explain, again, that you just did not know about this separation, but now that you do, you commit to always being there for them from this point forward.
REASSURE THEM. Make sure they know that they did NOT do anything wrong. It was not their job to do your work, it was your job to do your work. Be sure they understand that adults make mistakes too, but they also are quick to learn from them. Let them know that just because you didn't know better then, it was not because of them. Once again, reassure them now that you know better and will do better.
ALWAYS SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU." When working with your child, it's important to give them the same respect that you want in return. By doing this, it shows your child that you do respect them. It shows that they are important to you and that you'll be upheld to the same expectations as they are.
ALWAYS SAY “I LOVE YOU." Make sure they know you love them, always and forever. Be sure they know that even if you didn't realize that you were not showing it, you know now and will do better. As children, we learn early about cause and effect. If I just do this, then I will get that. That's not a bad lesson to learn since that is how the physical world is set up. However, when it comes to children having to earn love and affection, it ends up backfiring on us as adults. When we have a negative self-worth and lack of self-love, we try to get love, validation, and acceptance from others. That is when we suffer from "the disease to please."
MAKE SURE THEY KNOW IT WAS NOT THEIR FAULT. Because kids do not have the ability to see outside of themselves and are very egocentric, they feel that everything that happens around them is their fault or caused because of them. Go back to Step 3 and reassure them that their parent's relationship, addictions, behaviours, choices, moods, etc., were not because of them. It was because their adults were not present, and they were letting their inner child parent you.
ALLOW THEM THE FEELINGS THEY ARE HAVING. As children we are often told, directly and indirectly, to not feel the way we do for a multitude of reasons coming from our parents, peers, and other adults in our lives. This causes long-term damage as we try to have healthy relationships as adults, which we now know is really our child, in an adult body, trying to have a relationship, most likely with other inner children in adult bodies. Often this inner child is the part of us in the relationship, therefore the part that is always looking for validation.
BE DEPENDABLE. Make sure that when your inner child sends you a sign, you're there to acknowledge it. Pay attention to the triggers (go back to the Trigger lesson). Explain to your child that it takes patience as you're learning to become more in tune with them. This will make them feel even more special. The more they see that you're working at this connection, the more they'll fall in love with you and then trust you. It takes a while to become alert and aware all the time. With practice, you'll begin to get more in tune with yourself and start to immediately recognize the signs.
MAKE TIME TO PLAY WITH THEM. Don't be all work and no play. Get down on a knee, get dirty, play with your inner child. By doing this, you're showing your child that you like them, that you see them, and that you can have fun too.
BE HONEST. Take adult responsibility. Always be honest with yourself and others, this includes your inner child. If you were absent, own up to it. If you failed, show them that failure is only part of growing and now you know better. If you disappoint them, let them know that was because of you, and not them. Explain to them that sometimes even grown-ups make mistakes, but together with love, patience, honesty, and understanding you can grow together.
HOMEWORK -
Below or in your journal, make a contract with your child. Assure them that from this point forward, you will do your best to see, hear, acknowledge, and validate their feelings. Promise that from this point forward, you, as the adult, will begin to nurture, love, heal, and be their go-to person for all of their needs. If they're scared, you'll be there. If they're lonely, you'll be there. If they are sad, you'll be there. If they're happy and want to share their joy with you, you'll be there for that too.
Design it to look like a legal contract. Here is a sample. Use this one or create your own. Allow your child to decorate, create, and play with it as your adult writes the verbiage. Don't forget to explain it to your child as you go so that they understand (part of being seen) too.
Sample: I, __________________, the adult of _________________________, promise to always be there to nurture, love, listen, see, validate, and heal you. I will do my very best, from this point forward, to be more aware of you and your needs. I promise that I will show up, stand up, and take the burdens from you that you no longer need to carry. I, as your adult, will take on the adult duties from now on. You don't have to transmute feelings for me, stick up for me, do my work for me, or anything related to this. All you must do is do what you do as a ________________ year old. Play, be creative, and love. I, on this date, _____________, together with you, _______(little you)__________, promise to each stay in our own selves as we live a full and happy life together.
