Post by M~mosy on Sept 17, 2020 8:54:56 GMT
What are my child’s favourite things?
We all had favourite things as children, favourite friends, favourite places, favourite games and many more. By discovering what your favourites are, you are remembering who you are. Connecting with your inner child and getting in touch with these things again can help heal that wounded space in your heart. Knowing these favourite things gives us an outline to our lives. We don’t always remember these things which we disconnected to a long time ago. We do this as we get busy in life. As we become teenagers we get distracted with friends, homework, school and college. As we get older we concentrate on findng a job, dating, relationships, finding a spouse and having and raising a family. This happens over such a long period of time that we lose the connection with our inner child. The part that had favourite things, made us smile, bringing us joy and laughter. As we grow apart from the safety of ourselves and separate the world into good and bad, our feelings get hurt, we suffer broken hearts, we start to be judged and judging others. Therefore we are in the depths of physical world separation of our child. We have responsibilities, work, we have bills to pay, our children to look after, keeping us distracted and busy that we forget about ourselves.
Why is remembering our favourite things important? When we forget about ourselves we stop taking care of me. When we do this it becomes difficult to have healthy, intimate relationships with others. When we no favourites we have no likes or dislikes to form healthy boundaries. We start operating from an empty place we can’t fill within ourselves, then we feel empty and fill ourselves with distractions. Distractions include alcohol, drugs, food, people, working, shopping and exercise which becomes unhealthy in the extreme. We do this as our nature is to want to feel something, feeling something is better than nothing. Even if it is not for our best and highest interest. We react from fear and make bad decisions. We then ask ourselves “I don’t remember who I am?” “I don’t like who I have become?” “Who am i?” By taking some timeout to reconnect and remember who you are, you will know who you are today. Favourite things are a great way of learning about yourself. As adults we forget that we were once children yet miss the times when things were so simple. By learning about our inner child you are able to reconnect and balance your adult. Remembering who you were and still are at your core, you're better able to understand and remember the beautiful parts of who you are. When you remember who you are you fill yourself with what you need, what feels good to you and bring things for your highest and best for you. Disconnection allows us to make bad decisions, reactions and lose control. As a centred, mature adult who is equipped with healthy coping tools, we are able to make beneficial and sensible decisions. The best outcome of this reconnecting the two parts is your adult will be fulfilled and your inner child free from doing grown up work that no child should have to do. Discovering what your child likes to do and what they like to play will bring healing and balance to all parts of who you are.
Homework – Write in your journal. This has 2 parts. Part 1 your inner child answers. Part 2 your adult answers.
Take a minute to reconnect and find the difference between each part so they are answering the right questions.
Part 1 – Who were your friends? What did you and your friends like to do? How did these things make you feel? What was it that made you feel good? What can you do today to make you feel those things again? What did you do that made you laugh? What things made you happy? How did you feel when you felt your best? What made you feel your best?
Favourite foods? Favourite activities? Favourite toy? Favourite ice cream? Favourite ice cream? Favourite sweets? Favourite memory? Favourite places to go? Favourite books to read? Favourite colours that made you feel good? Favourite movies? Friends? Music? Favourite song? By answering these questions you start to remember how you felt.
Part 2 – If I had no fear I would ___________. By doing this I would feel ___________ about myself. These are some of the things I could do to bring more joy into my life ____________. List these things for more joy.
Setting Boundaries.
Boundaries are limits that we set on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level.
Why do we need them? To protect us from being manipulated and controlled by other people, groups and situations. We need them to be our authentic self and individuality. We need them to stay healthy in our mind, body and spirit. Other people need this too. Is setting boundaries been a difficult thing for you to do in the past? How do you know?
A few signs to let you know you have struggled – Having a difficult time to stick to your beliefs. Struggle to follow through assertions. Feel as if you are living someone else’s life. Feeling you are not being accepted or validated no matter how hard you try. Have a difficult time saying NO. Try to please others – Disease to please. Have a difficult time to speak up for yourself and others. Have a difficult time putting yourself first.
If any of the above seems familiar know the struggle is from your adult and not your inner child. This is your red flag of child behaviour and need your adult to step in. (you may want go back and read when is it my adult and when is it my child?) Asan adult it is imperative for you to set boundaries because as an adult you know its is needed to maintain health and balance. Boundaries earn respect but also help your authentic self. A lot of the time we are frightened to set boundaries as we’re afraid what others will think of us. What if they get angry at us? What if they don’t like us? What if my new boundary hurts them? These questions are from our inner child and not our adult self. When we are afraid to use our “adult voice” its because our inner child is afraid and not our adult. This is a red flag warning and a perfect time to realise this. This is our inner child and not your adult. As children we don’t want to disappoint others, we’re afraid to have people who get mad at us, we don’t want to hurt others and we DO want to be accepted. As adults we understand boundaries are important for the advancement of everyone involved. If someone is angry at us for speaking up our adult knows its them that are displeased. Our adult self knows we are not in control if someone is angry or hurt. Its their inner child that has been triggered.
.
When changing boundaries, you’re changing the energy of the relationship by setting new rules. This will cause a chain reaction. Explain to your inner child that things will feel Setting boundaries with your child is easier than it sounds. Its as easy as letting your inner child know you are the boss and have control. Reassure them when you change boundaries that you will protect them, handle the adult emotions, handle other people and their reactions as well as the responsibilities that come with this. Let your child know tis is to nurture and love them. Its letting your child know they don’t work for the adult anymore different and people may react differently too. Let them know they have not done anything wrong and this is not their fault. Explain to your child that by changing the rules into healthier ones, the other person’s inner child may feel a chain reaction which is different to what they are used to. Its important to let them know not to take it personally. By explaining this it frees them to do what they are meant to as children. To laugh, love, play and create and be who they are. Although no-one likes when boundaries are changed. Although no one likes when boundaries are changed, it's important and healthy for everyone to have these boundaries. Boundaries keep us safe. They protect us and keep us within our power. It shows that we have self-respect and have respect for others. It helps us to own who we are. When you change the boundaries, there's no doubt that others will react negatively. You have changed their pattern without telling them. Even if you attempt to explain, most likely they will not hear you or you would have had this boundary earlier. Changing the boundary triggers their ego to react. Know this is theirs, not yours.
Why is setting boundaries helpful for other people? We often think that setting boundaries is just for us. Truthfully, it's for everyone involved. When we set healthy boundaries with others, we're allowing the other person the opportunity to step up and be within their power. By not allowing other people their boundaries, we're robbing them of their natural and divine right to create within their space. By jumping into their space, trying to fix it, and/or taking control of their decisions, we'll have negative reactions. This does not allow the other person the ability to grow by having their own experiences as well. Whether they choose to do their work or not is up to them, not up to us. Our adult self knows that they'll do their own work around their boundaries, when they are ready. All we can do is our own work.
By setting healthy boundaries with our inner child, we as adults are then able to function from our adult place. That place can make healthy, respectable, and good decisions for both you and your inner child.
It's the responsibility of your adult, as well as other adults in your life, to set healthy boundaries. If other adults cannot, or don't, your adult self will always accept that. Our adult self knows and accepts that everyone is in a different place in their lives. We cannot expect others to do what we do and know the things that we know now. Our adult self respects others for where they are in their journey. Our child wants them to change it and change it now. Ask yourself if you are coming from your adult or from your child when looking for expectations for others? As with most things, including new boundaries, it's important to remember that with time everyone will settle into and get used to the new way of being in the world.
Setting Boundaries: A Guided Meditation
In your journal, draw a large circle. In the center of the circle draw a picture of your adult self. It can be a dot, it can be a circle, it can be an elaborate picture of yourself, it can be whatever you want it to be so long as you identify with it as a symbol of you. Imagine a circle of large rocks surrounding the circle. These rocks form a border that separates you from everything else. It is there to protect you and allow you the space to create within that circle, whatever it is you would like. The rocks are big enough to be seen yet easy to walk over.
As you sit in this circle, imagine clearing out everything that does not belong to you. It might be your partners, your kids, your parents, your neighbors, your coworkers, or your bosses. If the baggage in your circle does not belong to you, call the appropriate person in, one by one, and have them pick up their bags--all of them. When they have everything that is theirs, ask them to exit your circle with their bags. There will be a bus waiting for them. Ask them to board their bus with their baggage and wait patiently for all the others to arrive. Repeat this with every person who has dropped their baggage off in your circle. One by one, have them remove their stuff and board the bus. Once your circle is cleared out and only you remain, you can tell the bus driver to drive the bus and transport everything and everyone that is in it, returning it all to a beautiful place of light and love.
Look around and feel what your circle feels like. Take inventory of what feelings you have. Witness your adult sitting in the center of their circle with clear borders, free from other people's stuff. From this point forward, you will be aware of when others drop stuff in your circle. When you notice, kindly ask them to remove their junk and board the bus.
The more you practice this exercise, the easier it will be to recognize when something unwanted is in your space, and it will be easier to ask for it to be removed.
Homework.
As the adult, you are the one leading the activity and the conversation. Children are open books and will listen to what you say. After they begin to trust you, and you have healed that part of yourself, these exercises will become easier and easier.
You can begin this exercise by discussing with your child, so they understand why it is important, that it is your job as the adult to set boundaries and that their job (children always love to have a purpose and a job) is to allow you, as the adult, to protect and take care of them.
Allow them to sit back in the comfort of knowing that you will be doing all the decision-making and the hard work from this point forward, and all they must do is go back and play. (Look back at the list you made with you child on what they like to do if they feel like they can't remember.)
Make a list of all the things that you as the adult are responsible for.
Make a second list of the things your child is responsible for.
Get clear with who is responsible for what.
Once you have the list, you, as the adult, sit with this list and really be honest with yourself.
Give your child the direction that you will be handling their list from now on.
Ask them to give you a list of things that they would like to handle, age appropriate for them
An example: Maybe one day they really want pizza, and as an adult you know that one piece of pizza will not hurt you, so you have one piece, but if it triggers you eating a whole pizza, look at that issue and break it down. Why does your child feel like they need the whole pizza? What does the pizza make them feel like when they eat it? What part of them is looking for love outside of themselves with the pizza? How can you help them identify their needs, and put them in a healthy place so that you both can enjoy a healthy serving of pizza? Once you do this, your child is relieved that they can discuss their feelings and your adult can be happy knowing they are having a healthy portion of their favourite food.
How are you going to handle the boundaries as an adult?
We all had favourite things as children, favourite friends, favourite places, favourite games and many more. By discovering what your favourites are, you are remembering who you are. Connecting with your inner child and getting in touch with these things again can help heal that wounded space in your heart. Knowing these favourite things gives us an outline to our lives. We don’t always remember these things which we disconnected to a long time ago. We do this as we get busy in life. As we become teenagers we get distracted with friends, homework, school and college. As we get older we concentrate on findng a job, dating, relationships, finding a spouse and having and raising a family. This happens over such a long period of time that we lose the connection with our inner child. The part that had favourite things, made us smile, bringing us joy and laughter. As we grow apart from the safety of ourselves and separate the world into good and bad, our feelings get hurt, we suffer broken hearts, we start to be judged and judging others. Therefore we are in the depths of physical world separation of our child. We have responsibilities, work, we have bills to pay, our children to look after, keeping us distracted and busy that we forget about ourselves.
Why is remembering our favourite things important? When we forget about ourselves we stop taking care of me. When we do this it becomes difficult to have healthy, intimate relationships with others. When we no favourites we have no likes or dislikes to form healthy boundaries. We start operating from an empty place we can’t fill within ourselves, then we feel empty and fill ourselves with distractions. Distractions include alcohol, drugs, food, people, working, shopping and exercise which becomes unhealthy in the extreme. We do this as our nature is to want to feel something, feeling something is better than nothing. Even if it is not for our best and highest interest. We react from fear and make bad decisions. We then ask ourselves “I don’t remember who I am?” “I don’t like who I have become?” “Who am i?” By taking some timeout to reconnect and remember who you are, you will know who you are today. Favourite things are a great way of learning about yourself. As adults we forget that we were once children yet miss the times when things were so simple. By learning about our inner child you are able to reconnect and balance your adult. Remembering who you were and still are at your core, you're better able to understand and remember the beautiful parts of who you are. When you remember who you are you fill yourself with what you need, what feels good to you and bring things for your highest and best for you. Disconnection allows us to make bad decisions, reactions and lose control. As a centred, mature adult who is equipped with healthy coping tools, we are able to make beneficial and sensible decisions. The best outcome of this reconnecting the two parts is your adult will be fulfilled and your inner child free from doing grown up work that no child should have to do. Discovering what your child likes to do and what they like to play will bring healing and balance to all parts of who you are.
Homework – Write in your journal. This has 2 parts. Part 1 your inner child answers. Part 2 your adult answers.
Take a minute to reconnect and find the difference between each part so they are answering the right questions.
Part 1 – Who were your friends? What did you and your friends like to do? How did these things make you feel? What was it that made you feel good? What can you do today to make you feel those things again? What did you do that made you laugh? What things made you happy? How did you feel when you felt your best? What made you feel your best?
Favourite foods? Favourite activities? Favourite toy? Favourite ice cream? Favourite ice cream? Favourite sweets? Favourite memory? Favourite places to go? Favourite books to read? Favourite colours that made you feel good? Favourite movies? Friends? Music? Favourite song? By answering these questions you start to remember how you felt.
Part 2 – If I had no fear I would ___________. By doing this I would feel ___________ about myself. These are some of the things I could do to bring more joy into my life ____________. List these things for more joy.
Setting Boundaries.
Boundaries are limits that we set on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level.
Why do we need them? To protect us from being manipulated and controlled by other people, groups and situations. We need them to be our authentic self and individuality. We need them to stay healthy in our mind, body and spirit. Other people need this too. Is setting boundaries been a difficult thing for you to do in the past? How do you know?
A few signs to let you know you have struggled – Having a difficult time to stick to your beliefs. Struggle to follow through assertions. Feel as if you are living someone else’s life. Feeling you are not being accepted or validated no matter how hard you try. Have a difficult time saying NO. Try to please others – Disease to please. Have a difficult time to speak up for yourself and others. Have a difficult time putting yourself first.
If any of the above seems familiar know the struggle is from your adult and not your inner child. This is your red flag of child behaviour and need your adult to step in. (you may want go back and read when is it my adult and when is it my child?) Asan adult it is imperative for you to set boundaries because as an adult you know its is needed to maintain health and balance. Boundaries earn respect but also help your authentic self. A lot of the time we are frightened to set boundaries as we’re afraid what others will think of us. What if they get angry at us? What if they don’t like us? What if my new boundary hurts them? These questions are from our inner child and not our adult self. When we are afraid to use our “adult voice” its because our inner child is afraid and not our adult. This is a red flag warning and a perfect time to realise this. This is our inner child and not your adult. As children we don’t want to disappoint others, we’re afraid to have people who get mad at us, we don’t want to hurt others and we DO want to be accepted. As adults we understand boundaries are important for the advancement of everyone involved. If someone is angry at us for speaking up our adult knows its them that are displeased. Our adult self knows we are not in control if someone is angry or hurt. Its their inner child that has been triggered.
.
When changing boundaries, you’re changing the energy of the relationship by setting new rules. This will cause a chain reaction. Explain to your inner child that things will feel Setting boundaries with your child is easier than it sounds. Its as easy as letting your inner child know you are the boss and have control. Reassure them when you change boundaries that you will protect them, handle the adult emotions, handle other people and their reactions as well as the responsibilities that come with this. Let your child know tis is to nurture and love them. Its letting your child know they don’t work for the adult anymore different and people may react differently too. Let them know they have not done anything wrong and this is not their fault. Explain to your child that by changing the rules into healthier ones, the other person’s inner child may feel a chain reaction which is different to what they are used to. Its important to let them know not to take it personally. By explaining this it frees them to do what they are meant to as children. To laugh, love, play and create and be who they are. Although no-one likes when boundaries are changed. Although no one likes when boundaries are changed, it's important and healthy for everyone to have these boundaries. Boundaries keep us safe. They protect us and keep us within our power. It shows that we have self-respect and have respect for others. It helps us to own who we are. When you change the boundaries, there's no doubt that others will react negatively. You have changed their pattern without telling them. Even if you attempt to explain, most likely they will not hear you or you would have had this boundary earlier. Changing the boundary triggers their ego to react. Know this is theirs, not yours.
Why is setting boundaries helpful for other people? We often think that setting boundaries is just for us. Truthfully, it's for everyone involved. When we set healthy boundaries with others, we're allowing the other person the opportunity to step up and be within their power. By not allowing other people their boundaries, we're robbing them of their natural and divine right to create within their space. By jumping into their space, trying to fix it, and/or taking control of their decisions, we'll have negative reactions. This does not allow the other person the ability to grow by having their own experiences as well. Whether they choose to do their work or not is up to them, not up to us. Our adult self knows that they'll do their own work around their boundaries, when they are ready. All we can do is our own work.
By setting healthy boundaries with our inner child, we as adults are then able to function from our adult place. That place can make healthy, respectable, and good decisions for both you and your inner child.
It's the responsibility of your adult, as well as other adults in your life, to set healthy boundaries. If other adults cannot, or don't, your adult self will always accept that. Our adult self knows and accepts that everyone is in a different place in their lives. We cannot expect others to do what we do and know the things that we know now. Our adult self respects others for where they are in their journey. Our child wants them to change it and change it now. Ask yourself if you are coming from your adult or from your child when looking for expectations for others? As with most things, including new boundaries, it's important to remember that with time everyone will settle into and get used to the new way of being in the world.
Setting Boundaries: A Guided Meditation
In your journal, draw a large circle. In the center of the circle draw a picture of your adult self. It can be a dot, it can be a circle, it can be an elaborate picture of yourself, it can be whatever you want it to be so long as you identify with it as a symbol of you. Imagine a circle of large rocks surrounding the circle. These rocks form a border that separates you from everything else. It is there to protect you and allow you the space to create within that circle, whatever it is you would like. The rocks are big enough to be seen yet easy to walk over.
As you sit in this circle, imagine clearing out everything that does not belong to you. It might be your partners, your kids, your parents, your neighbors, your coworkers, or your bosses. If the baggage in your circle does not belong to you, call the appropriate person in, one by one, and have them pick up their bags--all of them. When they have everything that is theirs, ask them to exit your circle with their bags. There will be a bus waiting for them. Ask them to board their bus with their baggage and wait patiently for all the others to arrive. Repeat this with every person who has dropped their baggage off in your circle. One by one, have them remove their stuff and board the bus. Once your circle is cleared out and only you remain, you can tell the bus driver to drive the bus and transport everything and everyone that is in it, returning it all to a beautiful place of light and love.
Look around and feel what your circle feels like. Take inventory of what feelings you have. Witness your adult sitting in the center of their circle with clear borders, free from other people's stuff. From this point forward, you will be aware of when others drop stuff in your circle. When you notice, kindly ask them to remove their junk and board the bus.
The more you practice this exercise, the easier it will be to recognize when something unwanted is in your space, and it will be easier to ask for it to be removed.
Homework.
As the adult, you are the one leading the activity and the conversation. Children are open books and will listen to what you say. After they begin to trust you, and you have healed that part of yourself, these exercises will become easier and easier.
You can begin this exercise by discussing with your child, so they understand why it is important, that it is your job as the adult to set boundaries and that their job (children always love to have a purpose and a job) is to allow you, as the adult, to protect and take care of them.
Allow them to sit back in the comfort of knowing that you will be doing all the decision-making and the hard work from this point forward, and all they must do is go back and play. (Look back at the list you made with you child on what they like to do if they feel like they can't remember.)
Make a list of all the things that you as the adult are responsible for.
Make a second list of the things your child is responsible for.
Get clear with who is responsible for what.
Once you have the list, you, as the adult, sit with this list and really be honest with yourself.
Give your child the direction that you will be handling their list from now on.
Ask them to give you a list of things that they would like to handle, age appropriate for them
An example: Maybe one day they really want pizza, and as an adult you know that one piece of pizza will not hurt you, so you have one piece, but if it triggers you eating a whole pizza, look at that issue and break it down. Why does your child feel like they need the whole pizza? What does the pizza make them feel like when they eat it? What part of them is looking for love outside of themselves with the pizza? How can you help them identify their needs, and put them in a healthy place so that you both can enjoy a healthy serving of pizza? Once you do this, your child is relieved that they can discuss their feelings and your adult can be happy knowing they are having a healthy portion of their favourite food.
How are you going to handle the boundaries as an adult?
