Post by M~mosy on Sept 17, 2020 8:57:08 GMT
How to Better Understand Others and Their Child
The most important thing to understand is just that you and your inner child needed to learn about each other, so does everyone else need to learn about theirs. By being less critical of others and where they are in their life’s journey, you are creating a loving and new space for everyone. A lot of the time we want to share what we have learned and how it has helped us and want others to know how it can help them too. Appreciate and recognise that not everyone is ready to do their work like we have done. Just as you want to be respected for where you are on your journey so do others. When we treat others the way we want to be treated, others feel that energy and it becomes healing on a deeper level.
How to recognise their child?
As we said in past lessons children are fast, tricky and manipulative. When faced with a difficult situation or person before you do anything ensure you are in your adult place and not your child place. Children have a way of sneaking in when we least expect it. Be aware of your emotions and of the triggers you have that ay be lurking within the situation between you and the other person. When you are in your adult self it is easier to see when others are not. They may be judgemental, reactive, jealous, fearful or emotional (all the things you learned about our inner child). Remember their adult and inner child have not done this work and proceed accordingly. Don’t go into that place and play with them. If you do that is a red flag warning that you are coming from your inner child and not your adult. Your adult will hold space as they react.
How to Work with Them When Their Child is Acting Out?
As you would with your own inner child come from love and acknowledge their feelings. Validate that you hear them and hold space for them as they carry on to you. This is not about them getting it as much as it is to you staying in your adult as they react from their inner child. Remember that remaining aware will save you from getting your own child triggered. If you sense their defences coming in acknowledge within yourself what you are dealing with and save the conversation for another time. That is your adult having morals while others have not. This is protecting your inner child from having to deal with the other person’s inner child reactions right now. There is nothing you are going to say or do that is going to take them out of the state they are in.
How to Protect Yourself from Old Wounds That May Be Triggered by Other People's Inner Child.
By stepping up and taking the high road, you're doing just that. Start with your adult and protect your child by telling them this is not their battle to fight and move on. What do you do once you're triggered by them? As soon as you realize that you were pulled into the sandbox, and sand is flying, take yourself out of it. It usually happens so fast you won't even know you were sucked into the vortex. The more you practice this new behaviour, the easier it will get.
In the meantime, try to bring yourself back to the moment. Make a conscious decision to remove yourself from the situation. This is your adult stepping in, taking control of the situation, and backing away from the drama. If you feel as if you can't get out, know that it's still your inner child, not your adult, that is still engaging. Detach a little more and step back. As you gain more awareness, continue to step back, gain more and more control of the situation, and witness what is happening until your adult sees what is happening, and then removes you from the situation altogether. The adult steps in, protects your child, and, again, you can move on. If you're present for your inner child, they won't hold a grudge toward you or others. Children are forgiving and they'll appreciate that you "rescued" you them from a situation they did not need to be in. Be nice to yourself if this happens. Remember it happens to all of us. It's how you pull yourself back out that counts.
How to help others – The same way you would help your own inner child. Listen, hold space, validate, send love, nurture and don’t try to fix them.
Understand that Other People Have the Same Disconnection with Their Inner Child and Adult Relationship, and How that Can Benefit You.
Within your family- Find closure, Release resentment, Find forgiveness, Release the past, Deeply understand your family’s dynamics, Stop being the victim and Heal old wounds.
Within relationships you will have a better understanding – Why others struggle to commit, Why it’s not you, Why they can’t give you what you need, Why they don’t see you, Why they work too much, Why they love you as much as they can love you, Why they may suffer from addictions, Why they have a difficult time communicating.
With co-workers you will- Witness and understand how other people bring their inner child to work with them and how it can affect the morale and productivity, Not take things personally, Feel like less of a failure, Know how to get ahead by coming from your adult , while others come from their wounded inner child, Be more productive, Care less about others and pay more attention to nurturing yourself, Allow yourself to be more creative.
Homework – Continue working on really understanding the difference between not only your adult and inner child but other people’s as well. Begin to see that everyone is coming from the same places within themselves. Use your journal to write about some of the more difficult relationships you have had with the various people in your life. Make a list of all their names. One by one look at how they may not be coming from their adult. Maybe they hurt you, disappointed you, let you down, put you down, ignored you, abused you, scared you, or have been emotionally/ mentally difficult to be around.
Forgiveness is not about believing what happened was okay. It's now about accepting what was. It's not about good or bad, right or wrong. The question becomes, "Are you able to accept what was"? Not, "Do you want to, but are you able to?" Most of us can say, "Yes, I am able to." The question then becomes, "Will you?" By saying, "Yes, I'm able to accept it, and yes, I am willing to accept it," you're releasing the heavy burden that you once carried that was not yours to carry. This is your choice rather than feeling as if you have no choices. By doing this, you release the victim mentality. It gives you empowerment over the situation, therefore healing. Now we're healing ourselves by not carrying the burden anymore. By accepting what was, we automatically let go of our old expectations of the way we wanted things to be and accept things the way they were.
Ghandi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." By understanding that most people react to protect themselves (as you once did), by using their various coping skills they needed to survive, they may inadvertently hurt others, including you. Now you understand where this comes from, which makes it easier for you to comprehend and not take it personally. Next, write down all of your child's wants .Make one list for your family, one list for your friends, one for your various relationships, and one for your co-workers.
Be sure to look at each group from several different perspectives. By doing this, you are listing the needs that your inner child has and needs that your adult has in each subgroup of your life.
From my family my child wants _____________________.
From my friends my child wants ______________________.
From my co-workers my child wants _____________________.
From my other relationships my child wants ___________________________.
Now take that same list and write what your adult wants would be. Make sure you are not coming from a non -emotional, non-reactive adult place. Expectations are solid, grounded, upfront and clear. As with all expectations, if they are not followed there must be appropriate consequences that match the behaviour. No judgment. No hurt. No emotion.
Now think about the consequences you are prepared to follow up with:
If you are not on time, I will leave without you.
If your room is not clean, you will not go to the movies tonight.
If you don't respect my boundaries, I cannot be with you today.
If you can't treat me as an adult, I cannot talk to you right now
When we state these expectations from our adult place, we're stating them in a rational and balanced way that protects your inner child from having to make emotional demands from others.
As adults know, just because expectations are stated does not mean that everyone will follow them. If they don't follow them, know that is coming from their inner child reacting, not their rational adult self.
By stating your truths and following through with your consequences, it not only helps you and your child, it helps others as well. You don't need to try to explain this to the other people in your life. That's the surest way to trigger their child into a defensive place. Send love and be the example. Hold space for others as you would like them to do for you. Remember, they may not know what you now do. Let go of the "expectation" that they'll finally get you. By thinking that, your inner child's wants and wishes will be validated. Know that by them not getting you, it's only because they're on their own journey, one that has nothing to do with you. As we learned earlier, as you change your boundaries, be prepared for the people around you to react from their inner child. Remember, just because they 're reacting, does not mean you have to. Be the rule, not the exception. Non-emotional. Non-confrontational. This shows that your adult is protecting your child. It also shows that you're not being confrontational, only accepting where others are in their journey as well. Journal with your child. Explain to them that your adult knows how to handle situations. Explain that you finally have power and control over your choices, responses, and behaviours. Let them know that you've got them.
Staying in the moment.
One moment at a time as a day is too long.
As you continue down your path of healing, be gentle and kind with yourself. Your adult needs to take breaks and your child is there to help you play. Your child needs love and new healthy coping mechanisms. You're there to teach them. Creating a new, healthy, and symbiotic relationship with yourself is the reason we're all here. Remember who we are, be nice to ourselves, love ourselves, be gentle with ourselves, and be forgiving of ourselves and others by accepting that we are all just doing the best we can. No one has all the answers. We all get triggered. All seven billion of us have inner child issues. If you have kids, no matter what you do, they'll have inner child issues too. It's a natural part of our development. We grow away from unity into our individual selves and expand this shadow part of who we are.
By staying in the moment, we allow ourselves, and give ourselves, permission to heal and be healed. No one has all the answers. All we can do is the best we can do. No one ever wanted to hurt us on purpose, they were just dealing with their own stuff too. It's easy to get caught up in all the inner child and adult stuff. It is very heavy work. As with anything that's difficult, it also brings great rewards. Muscles don't get strong on their own. They get strong by using them and building them slowly over time. We create more strength and more resilience. Our muscles begin to remember their shape, and their form, and it becomes easier and easier to rebuild our body with our new muscle memory. With practice, good form, dedication, and your willingness for wellness, you can reshape and redefine your body, mind, and spirit. By stepping into your power and strength as your adult, you'll ease the unrest of your inner child automatically. The same is true of our mind. When we reprogram our mind, it becomes easier and easier to automatically go to the healthy places we're creating. I believe that information is knowledge, and knowledge is wisdom. With the new information you uncovered, through these lessons, you can come from knowing that you can do this, and so much more. Your wisdom tells you it was in you all along. There's nothing you can't do. The divine part of us has always been healthy and whole.
As life happens, we separate from that divinity as we try to fit into the world around us. As we mature into adults, we become even more separate, and the coping mechanisms we once had to protect us become a part of our landscape. That does not mean we must stop where we are and accept our inner child and adult separation as fate. It means we now have more information for wholeness. This information makes us better as we learn to stay in the moment, enabling us to get better as we grow. It's easy for all of us to get out of the moment. That's a sign for our adult to step up and nurture and reassure our child that we, together, are okay. Explain to them that whatever the future brings, you're there with them now. When that happens, we become depressed or anxious. We become depressed if we look back and have regrets for things we didn't do, the way things were handled, or the way situations did not work out as we had hoped or planned. We become anxious and full of fear when we look forward with uncertainty to what the future holds for us. The unknown can trigger an avalanche of emotions and feelings--from being unsafe, unloved, not chosen, not seen, or not heard--all resulting in not being validated. Now we know that when our child is unsafe, it's their way of telling us they need us. To be there for them, we must get grounded, present, and clear. When you stand side by side with your child, you're telling them, "Don't worry, I've got you." What else would a child want to know?
By Bringing Yourself Into the Moment, You're Better Able To:
Feel safe, Get grounded, Start to release the current and old feelings that are clouding your judgement, Get clear on who is the adult and who is the child, Begin to witness yourself as someone who can bridge the adult and child together to bring about healing for all parts of yourself, Feel better in your mind, body, and spirit, Feel fuller in your relationships, Be more productive in your personal and work life, Live lighter, Make better decisions, Find more peace and joy in your life resulting in being more happy.
Homework- Where are you now? Look around the room. Feel the chair you're sitting in. What does it feel like? Smell the air. What does it smell like? Feel your hands. What do they feel like? What colors do you see on the walls? Are you outside? What does that look like? What does that feel like? What is your life telling you in this very moment as you look around? Are you safe? Are you okay only in this moment?
As you bring yourself into the moment of where you are now, close your eyes and slowly breathe in through your nose for a count of five, filling your belly like a balloon. Hold your breath still for the same count of five. Now, slowly and evenly, blow out and away from you for the same count of five. Repeat this breathing exercise a few times until you feel yourself shift. You will feel the pressure and anxiety go away. Do this as many times as you need to return to your present place. As you sit there in a relaxed and present state, allow your mind to be open, as well as your heart .Allow whatever thoughts you may have to come into your mind, and then allow them to drift right through you. Witness all the wonderful emotions and feelings of peace that you're feeling as you allow yourself to deeply immerse yourself in this space right now. This is your moment. This is where you are now. There is no need for fear. There is no need to feel unsafe. There is no worry, regret, or anxiety. The moment you are in brings great peace and tranquillity. The moment right now is the only moment that matters. The world is okay. You are safe. Your mind, body, and spirit are at rest. You can do this exercise anytime, anywhere, when you feel like you need to become present. It will ground you, leaving you feeling peaceful. May you always remember your unity and acknowledge your separation. This is all just a journey. It is a journey that comes full circle; one that begins and ends only within yourself. Use your journal to write your experiences as you continue to witness all the beautiful parts of you.
The most important thing to understand is just that you and your inner child needed to learn about each other, so does everyone else need to learn about theirs. By being less critical of others and where they are in their life’s journey, you are creating a loving and new space for everyone. A lot of the time we want to share what we have learned and how it has helped us and want others to know how it can help them too. Appreciate and recognise that not everyone is ready to do their work like we have done. Just as you want to be respected for where you are on your journey so do others. When we treat others the way we want to be treated, others feel that energy and it becomes healing on a deeper level.
How to recognise their child?
As we said in past lessons children are fast, tricky and manipulative. When faced with a difficult situation or person before you do anything ensure you are in your adult place and not your child place. Children have a way of sneaking in when we least expect it. Be aware of your emotions and of the triggers you have that ay be lurking within the situation between you and the other person. When you are in your adult self it is easier to see when others are not. They may be judgemental, reactive, jealous, fearful or emotional (all the things you learned about our inner child). Remember their adult and inner child have not done this work and proceed accordingly. Don’t go into that place and play with them. If you do that is a red flag warning that you are coming from your inner child and not your adult. Your adult will hold space as they react.
How to Work with Them When Their Child is Acting Out?
As you would with your own inner child come from love and acknowledge their feelings. Validate that you hear them and hold space for them as they carry on to you. This is not about them getting it as much as it is to you staying in your adult as they react from their inner child. Remember that remaining aware will save you from getting your own child triggered. If you sense their defences coming in acknowledge within yourself what you are dealing with and save the conversation for another time. That is your adult having morals while others have not. This is protecting your inner child from having to deal with the other person’s inner child reactions right now. There is nothing you are going to say or do that is going to take them out of the state they are in.
How to Protect Yourself from Old Wounds That May Be Triggered by Other People's Inner Child.
By stepping up and taking the high road, you're doing just that. Start with your adult and protect your child by telling them this is not their battle to fight and move on. What do you do once you're triggered by them? As soon as you realize that you were pulled into the sandbox, and sand is flying, take yourself out of it. It usually happens so fast you won't even know you were sucked into the vortex. The more you practice this new behaviour, the easier it will get.
In the meantime, try to bring yourself back to the moment. Make a conscious decision to remove yourself from the situation. This is your adult stepping in, taking control of the situation, and backing away from the drama. If you feel as if you can't get out, know that it's still your inner child, not your adult, that is still engaging. Detach a little more and step back. As you gain more awareness, continue to step back, gain more and more control of the situation, and witness what is happening until your adult sees what is happening, and then removes you from the situation altogether. The adult steps in, protects your child, and, again, you can move on. If you're present for your inner child, they won't hold a grudge toward you or others. Children are forgiving and they'll appreciate that you "rescued" you them from a situation they did not need to be in. Be nice to yourself if this happens. Remember it happens to all of us. It's how you pull yourself back out that counts.
How to help others – The same way you would help your own inner child. Listen, hold space, validate, send love, nurture and don’t try to fix them.
Understand that Other People Have the Same Disconnection with Their Inner Child and Adult Relationship, and How that Can Benefit You.
Within your family- Find closure, Release resentment, Find forgiveness, Release the past, Deeply understand your family’s dynamics, Stop being the victim and Heal old wounds.
Within relationships you will have a better understanding – Why others struggle to commit, Why it’s not you, Why they can’t give you what you need, Why they don’t see you, Why they work too much, Why they love you as much as they can love you, Why they may suffer from addictions, Why they have a difficult time communicating.
With co-workers you will- Witness and understand how other people bring their inner child to work with them and how it can affect the morale and productivity, Not take things personally, Feel like less of a failure, Know how to get ahead by coming from your adult , while others come from their wounded inner child, Be more productive, Care less about others and pay more attention to nurturing yourself, Allow yourself to be more creative.
Homework – Continue working on really understanding the difference between not only your adult and inner child but other people’s as well. Begin to see that everyone is coming from the same places within themselves. Use your journal to write about some of the more difficult relationships you have had with the various people in your life. Make a list of all their names. One by one look at how they may not be coming from their adult. Maybe they hurt you, disappointed you, let you down, put you down, ignored you, abused you, scared you, or have been emotionally/ mentally difficult to be around.
Forgiveness is not about believing what happened was okay. It's now about accepting what was. It's not about good or bad, right or wrong. The question becomes, "Are you able to accept what was"? Not, "Do you want to, but are you able to?" Most of us can say, "Yes, I am able to." The question then becomes, "Will you?" By saying, "Yes, I'm able to accept it, and yes, I am willing to accept it," you're releasing the heavy burden that you once carried that was not yours to carry. This is your choice rather than feeling as if you have no choices. By doing this, you release the victim mentality. It gives you empowerment over the situation, therefore healing. Now we're healing ourselves by not carrying the burden anymore. By accepting what was, we automatically let go of our old expectations of the way we wanted things to be and accept things the way they were.
Ghandi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." By understanding that most people react to protect themselves (as you once did), by using their various coping skills they needed to survive, they may inadvertently hurt others, including you. Now you understand where this comes from, which makes it easier for you to comprehend and not take it personally. Next, write down all of your child's wants .Make one list for your family, one list for your friends, one for your various relationships, and one for your co-workers.
Be sure to look at each group from several different perspectives. By doing this, you are listing the needs that your inner child has and needs that your adult has in each subgroup of your life.
From my family my child wants _____________________.
From my friends my child wants ______________________.
From my co-workers my child wants _____________________.
From my other relationships my child wants ___________________________.
Now take that same list and write what your adult wants would be. Make sure you are not coming from a non -emotional, non-reactive adult place. Expectations are solid, grounded, upfront and clear. As with all expectations, if they are not followed there must be appropriate consequences that match the behaviour. No judgment. No hurt. No emotion.
Now think about the consequences you are prepared to follow up with:
If you are not on time, I will leave without you.
If your room is not clean, you will not go to the movies tonight.
If you don't respect my boundaries, I cannot be with you today.
If you can't treat me as an adult, I cannot talk to you right now
When we state these expectations from our adult place, we're stating them in a rational and balanced way that protects your inner child from having to make emotional demands from others.
As adults know, just because expectations are stated does not mean that everyone will follow them. If they don't follow them, know that is coming from their inner child reacting, not their rational adult self.
By stating your truths and following through with your consequences, it not only helps you and your child, it helps others as well. You don't need to try to explain this to the other people in your life. That's the surest way to trigger their child into a defensive place. Send love and be the example. Hold space for others as you would like them to do for you. Remember, they may not know what you now do. Let go of the "expectation" that they'll finally get you. By thinking that, your inner child's wants and wishes will be validated. Know that by them not getting you, it's only because they're on their own journey, one that has nothing to do with you. As we learned earlier, as you change your boundaries, be prepared for the people around you to react from their inner child. Remember, just because they 're reacting, does not mean you have to. Be the rule, not the exception. Non-emotional. Non-confrontational. This shows that your adult is protecting your child. It also shows that you're not being confrontational, only accepting where others are in their journey as well. Journal with your child. Explain to them that your adult knows how to handle situations. Explain that you finally have power and control over your choices, responses, and behaviours. Let them know that you've got them.
Staying in the moment.
One moment at a time as a day is too long.
As you continue down your path of healing, be gentle and kind with yourself. Your adult needs to take breaks and your child is there to help you play. Your child needs love and new healthy coping mechanisms. You're there to teach them. Creating a new, healthy, and symbiotic relationship with yourself is the reason we're all here. Remember who we are, be nice to ourselves, love ourselves, be gentle with ourselves, and be forgiving of ourselves and others by accepting that we are all just doing the best we can. No one has all the answers. We all get triggered. All seven billion of us have inner child issues. If you have kids, no matter what you do, they'll have inner child issues too. It's a natural part of our development. We grow away from unity into our individual selves and expand this shadow part of who we are.
By staying in the moment, we allow ourselves, and give ourselves, permission to heal and be healed. No one has all the answers. All we can do is the best we can do. No one ever wanted to hurt us on purpose, they were just dealing with their own stuff too. It's easy to get caught up in all the inner child and adult stuff. It is very heavy work. As with anything that's difficult, it also brings great rewards. Muscles don't get strong on their own. They get strong by using them and building them slowly over time. We create more strength and more resilience. Our muscles begin to remember their shape, and their form, and it becomes easier and easier to rebuild our body with our new muscle memory. With practice, good form, dedication, and your willingness for wellness, you can reshape and redefine your body, mind, and spirit. By stepping into your power and strength as your adult, you'll ease the unrest of your inner child automatically. The same is true of our mind. When we reprogram our mind, it becomes easier and easier to automatically go to the healthy places we're creating. I believe that information is knowledge, and knowledge is wisdom. With the new information you uncovered, through these lessons, you can come from knowing that you can do this, and so much more. Your wisdom tells you it was in you all along. There's nothing you can't do. The divine part of us has always been healthy and whole.
As life happens, we separate from that divinity as we try to fit into the world around us. As we mature into adults, we become even more separate, and the coping mechanisms we once had to protect us become a part of our landscape. That does not mean we must stop where we are and accept our inner child and adult separation as fate. It means we now have more information for wholeness. This information makes us better as we learn to stay in the moment, enabling us to get better as we grow. It's easy for all of us to get out of the moment. That's a sign for our adult to step up and nurture and reassure our child that we, together, are okay. Explain to them that whatever the future brings, you're there with them now. When that happens, we become depressed or anxious. We become depressed if we look back and have regrets for things we didn't do, the way things were handled, or the way situations did not work out as we had hoped or planned. We become anxious and full of fear when we look forward with uncertainty to what the future holds for us. The unknown can trigger an avalanche of emotions and feelings--from being unsafe, unloved, not chosen, not seen, or not heard--all resulting in not being validated. Now we know that when our child is unsafe, it's their way of telling us they need us. To be there for them, we must get grounded, present, and clear. When you stand side by side with your child, you're telling them, "Don't worry, I've got you." What else would a child want to know?
By Bringing Yourself Into the Moment, You're Better Able To:
Feel safe, Get grounded, Start to release the current and old feelings that are clouding your judgement, Get clear on who is the adult and who is the child, Begin to witness yourself as someone who can bridge the adult and child together to bring about healing for all parts of yourself, Feel better in your mind, body, and spirit, Feel fuller in your relationships, Be more productive in your personal and work life, Live lighter, Make better decisions, Find more peace and joy in your life resulting in being more happy.
Homework- Where are you now? Look around the room. Feel the chair you're sitting in. What does it feel like? Smell the air. What does it smell like? Feel your hands. What do they feel like? What colors do you see on the walls? Are you outside? What does that look like? What does that feel like? What is your life telling you in this very moment as you look around? Are you safe? Are you okay only in this moment?
As you bring yourself into the moment of where you are now, close your eyes and slowly breathe in through your nose for a count of five, filling your belly like a balloon. Hold your breath still for the same count of five. Now, slowly and evenly, blow out and away from you for the same count of five. Repeat this breathing exercise a few times until you feel yourself shift. You will feel the pressure and anxiety go away. Do this as many times as you need to return to your present place. As you sit there in a relaxed and present state, allow your mind to be open, as well as your heart .Allow whatever thoughts you may have to come into your mind, and then allow them to drift right through you. Witness all the wonderful emotions and feelings of peace that you're feeling as you allow yourself to deeply immerse yourself in this space right now. This is your moment. This is where you are now. There is no need for fear. There is no need to feel unsafe. There is no worry, regret, or anxiety. The moment you are in brings great peace and tranquillity. The moment right now is the only moment that matters. The world is okay. You are safe. Your mind, body, and spirit are at rest. You can do this exercise anytime, anywhere, when you feel like you need to become present. It will ground you, leaving you feeling peaceful. May you always remember your unity and acknowledge your separation. This is all just a journey. It is a journey that comes full circle; one that begins and ends only within yourself. Use your journal to write your experiences as you continue to witness all the beautiful parts of you.
